The Walking Dead visit Bon Temps

When the fairies left Bon Temps after the end of season 5 (unaired episode), they were in such a hurry that they forgot to close a bathroom window. Left open, it magically created a tunnel between universes and into Georgia, where Rick Grimes’ gang were fighting zombies. Carl stumbles on the hole and basically plays Alice in the rabbit hole. His father and the rest of the group follow, in arbitrary order, this is not important. What is important is that the last to go in is also the largest, Tyreese, and he bends the frame so the window can’t be completely closed. We’ll come to this later, but you already know what will happen, so maybe we won’t come to this later. Moving on.

Rick and the gang find themselves in the town square (note to editor: find out if there is a town square in Bon Temps) (editor’s note: There is.), where they encounter the remains of several unfortunate vampires. From their point of view, they encounter piles of bloody yuk scattered here and there, so it is only natural that all assume puzzled and/or suspicious expressions. Who better to break the silence than Daryl?

‘What the fuck, man?’, casting a searching look around, then approaching one of the piles and prodding it with his foot.

‘Just stay together’, Rick supplies. ‘We don’t know where we are, so stick together.’

Everyone huddles in an unconscious attempt to form a square.

Suddenly, from left to right in quick succession run Nora, a wooden arrow that gets her in the back and Eric himself. As soon as she disintegrates (I’m sorry, I can’t stand to have her on this show), Eric stifles a roar and flashes a mad glance and his fangs at the group of zombiecalypse survivors.

‘Who the hell are you?’, he purrs menacingly as is his habit.

‘What the hell are YOU?’, raises him You Know Who, scowling with suspicion as is HIS habit.

‘No time.’, says Eric and shoots up Harrier-style.

Glenn and Maggie exchange incredulous looks.

‘Vampires?’, Maggie confirms in a rhetorical question.

Rick, who has already weighed up the situation, comes with the only logical plan.

— Let’s look around. Does anyone have anything sharp and wooden on them?

All shake their heads.

‘Make something then. Come on, Carl.’

They start along a street that looks like its name is Main with Michonne chopping off tree branches as they progress and passing them to Daryl to sharpen their ends.

By pure coincidence and no authorial intent at all the road takes them to “Merlotte’s”. The place looks deserted from outside. There is a piece of cardboard on the front door that says “Andy’s Daycare”, scribbled in pencil. By that time everyone is holding a sharpened tree branch. The gang comes to a halt and, once again, everyone looks around, on edge. Finally Carol decides she’s had just about enough, marches to the doors and bangs on them, shouting:

‘Anybody here?!’

It’s broad daylight, so we hear a shuffle of furniture from inside.

‘Who’s there?’, comes in a muffled half-whisper, in which all fans of Titanic Comic Potential recognise the one and only Jason Stackhouse. Then, even more muffled, as he speaks to someone standing further inside the bar, “There’s some new guys outside, with a baby!’

Some intense whispering follows, then Jason shouts:

‘Come out with your hands in the air!’

The group exchange glances (I know, a lot of glance exchange going on, but that’s the way it is) and then Rick shouts:

‘We ARE out!’

After a brief pause comes:

‘Alright, come IN with your hands in the air, then.’

Meanwhile, a walker slouches out of the fairy window, followed by another one, then another. If they could speak, they would’ve probably burst into song, “Food, glorious food!” or something. They can’t, so instead they rush at the ex-vampire piles with the usual growl.

To be continued. Or not. We’ll see.


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